


Cupboard Lobster

by dogdays764



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack, I got tired at the end, M/M, clumsy Nursey, i hate this, lobster stuff, no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 19:02:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18184532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogdays764/pseuds/dogdays764
Summary: Sexy dexy has a problem that only Nursey (and lobster) can solve. A horrible crack fic.





	Cupboard Lobster

**Author's Note:**

> this is terrible, but I regret everything.

Dex woke to another beautiful sunny day at samwell… Well he guessed it was sunny it was kind of hard to tell from his basement abode. He really didn’t get why everyone hated it so much Sure it was a bit musty and creaky, but he was glad for the solitude, space, and most of all the lack of nursery.   
You see Dex had a bit of a thing for him, the handsome jade eyed man caught his heart immediately. It shouldn't have been that easy and Dex was pissed at him for being casual about destroying his perception of love, But alas Nursery was a magnificent shiny red lobster slathered in butter, very delicious but only for those who can keep him still and crack his rock hard shell.  
Dex put on his lumberjack clothing and sang an Irish Lobster song perfectly as he got ready for his journey upstairs.  
As he walked into the haus kitchen he was immediately scared shirtless by the sight of Nursery cooking at betsy 2.0 in nothing but his boxers.  
“Oh, hey dex I was just frying some eggs in this copious amount of extremely hot butter. You wa-” suddenly as was prophesied by literally everyone ever, nursery somehow chucked the 4000*F butter straight above him, Dex dove to him, and as fast as sound, he carved a wooden shield to protect them both. The wood of their defence soaked up the hot grease saving the floor. dex carved a stick of butter to replace the one nursery had almost burned his face off with.  
“I’ll cook you breakfast, stand over there and watch me, but dont move your ass.” Nursey pouted but did as he was told, he nakedly leaned against the kitchen island and waited for food.

Dex went to work, he found a whole lobster in one of the previously sriracha cupboards, or so he’d been told by their residential blonde baker.  
He skinned the lobster and shoved the bar of butter down its gullet he then seared it at 420* F  
When he was proud of his handy work he carved a mint leaf out of wood to ordain it. He served it to the glistening statue of a man, who had become sweaty from the heat dex had produced with his steamy red lobster dish.  
“Wow thanks dude! This looks great, I can't believe you found a whole lobster in there.”  
“Well, ya know… I keep an emergency one up there just in case of hungry people who totally know how to cook lobster properly.”   
It was partially truth, it was an emergency one, but not for the reason he had said.  
Dex still hasn't come to terms with it himself but he would have to eventually.  
Out on his uncles lobster boat over the summer a few years ago he discovered that lobster was a powerful aphrodisiac and he hadn't been able to go back from it since. He had an addiction, a lobster addiction. Usually he’d just choked himself while deepthroating one of the claws or rub its de-crapaced slimy flesh on his own, but what he enjoyed the most was the flared bumpy tail buried deeply in his muscled ass. Now, whenever he saw a lobster he would have a very difficult time keeping his erection hidden, so he would think of big boob women. This immediately calmed his semi-hard wood because he was an extreme homosexual and he was proud, but lobster could never do what nursery did to him.  
“Oh Fuvcck my ass dex this is amazing” Nursey moaned sexually… very sexually.  
Dex wished he was that lobster. Slathered in butter and sliding down Nurseries tight hot moist throat, feeling the vibrations of his moans.  
Nursey gave dex a perplexed look, then he looked down to dexes pants and blushed mouth agape as he licked his fingers clean of butter.  
Dex knew the jig was up, he had to crack nurseries exoskeleton now or never.  
“Let me help…” dex took Nurseys butter slathered hand and stuck the whole thing in his mouth, he used his singing skills to make sure he gave nurseys fist a sonnet and a half during its stay.  
“Fuck Dexyyyy. Lets have sex.” nurseys own girthy john was showing some interest. Since dexes shirt was already gone he shimmied off his pants and boxers as he guided his forest eyed man down to his and soon to be their dark love cavern underneath the Haus above. Dex practically body slammed his heavily endowed lover into his love nest as he shoved away the maniacally evil fabric that taunted him and kept him from Nurseys treasure of a phallus.   
“Dexy come here.” Sexy Dexy rose from the adventure zone that nursey possessed and searched for the x on the map of nurseys body, his face. Nursey guided him to his lips as they finally kissed, it was passionate as either one of them would ever experience, with a taste of eternal love and victory… but it was missing something. Dex pulled away from Nursey and searched under his giant stuffed lobster, he pulled out a tube of lobster flavored(and scented) lube and handed it to nursey,  
“Finger me wide laddy.” Dex requested  
“Yes sir, lobster man sir.” Nursey worked dexys smooth velvety tunnel wide open.  
“Do you have a condom?” Nursey asked  
“Ah yeah sure give me a min.”  
Dex pulled out his knife and a block of wood, he made a condom and slipped it onto the green grape eyed laddy in front of him.  
Nursey slid into him easily, this was both of their first time with anyone, so the copulation didnt last long. Dex came first with a guttural moan of Dareks name, he was way hotter than a Lobster. Nursey was quick to follow unloading his love juice into the wooden condom. They collapsed atop each other, they both professed their love and fell asleep at 8 am to the smell of lobster and sex, mostly lobster.  
THE END


End file.
